Transitions and sexual identities

In a meeting, I always count how many men and women are there in the room. As a researcher, it is something that I do without conscious thinking. Categorising persons and placing them in separate boxes is instinctive for me.

But for once I was a little confused - how many of them were men born as women, men born as men, women born as men, women born as women, men dressed as women, women dressed as men, those who felt some times as men and some times as women - it was impossible to say.

For example, I had been sure that the young woman sitting next to me was trans-gender, but it turned out that she was not. On the other hand, a bearded young man with twinkling eyes, colourful tattoos on muscular arms and an open infectious laughter, had started his life as a girl.

That confusion made me reflect about how diverse and multiple can be our sexual identities, once we scratch below the surface of "Male or female". And, how little the external appearances tell us about the persons. Yet, in spite of that, how much we worry about others' opinions about us!

I was at the first day of a symposium on "Transitions - beyond the surgeons' knives". The symposium was part of Divergenti 2014 - the international festival of trans films of Bologna (Italy). This festival is organised by Italian Transsexual Movement (M.I.T.).

Transitions - Sexual identities and surgeons' knives

Porpora Marcasciano, the president of MIT, explained the logic behind the symposium. MIT in Bologna runs a government clinic where persons can get advice and follow the process for transitioning (changing the gender with which they were born).

Porpora said, "Transition is about hormone therapies and surgeries, but it does not end there. It can be a process where not everyone chooses the path of hormones or surgery, but for some of us, making our bodies in line with our mental images of ourselves is fundamental. Whatever path we choose, the process of becoming the person we wish to be, goes on. The theme of the symposium and the festival is 'Crossing over' - including the surgeons' knives, but also going beyond it."

The symposium had different speakers. Here are some of the points that struck me and made me reflect.

Transia - the trans-anxiety

All of us sometimes worry about how we come across to others - worrying about our expanding waist lines or wrinkles or white hair. However, in the symposium many speakers talked of "Transia" or Trans-anxiety ('ansia' is Italian for anxiety), that went much beyond our usual every-day worries.

Transia is a never-ending feeling of anxiety of your perceptions about yourself - looking at what is missing in you to be a 'real' man or woman, about how others are going to judge you or find you out that you are false. This anxiety is fueled by real or perceived negative attitudes of others but most of it is about the high criteria that persons with dynamic/alternate gender identities use to judge themselves.

Giorgio felt that FtM (female to Male) men feel less anxiety - they are often not worried about having proper male genitals or other details such as not having Adam's apple. He said, "To be a guy is much simpler compared to being a woman - MtF women (Male to Female) worry about everything and worry so much more." It seemed to me that he was underlining the male carelessness about external appearance compared to the women, as some kind of stereotypical personality trait.

However, I think that FtM men may be less concerned with their body appearance partly because surgical solutions to the desire of having a functioning male genital are complicated and not always satisfactory. Perhaps, if you believe that in any case you are not going to end up with a functioning dick, you can go beyond it and accept yourself more easily?

On the other hand, for MtF women, I think that issues are more complicated because they can have perfect vaginas through surgery so that sometimes their partners may not even guess that their bodies were constructed - this raises moral dilemmas of "should I tell" as well as, brings closer the mirage of being a 'complete' woman?

One of the examples about transia was the anxiety related to urinating - FtM men worrying about urinating standing up and MtF women worrying about urinating sitting down.

"Men can sit down and urinate without feeling that their masculinity is being questioned but FtM are very anxious about it", Giorgio had said, "This questioning and insecurity never passes. We worry about the models of masculinity and femininity all the time, and confirmations about our masculinity or femininity are never enough, we continuously crave them. The world watching us is something we carry inside us, all the time."

Childhood cultural conditioning

Giorgio gave another example of the way our childhood experiences condition us.

At the end of a dinner with friends, he noticed that all the men rose up and started taking away the plates and glasses to the kitchen while all the women remained sitting, talking. "At first I thought it was good that there was more gender equality", he explained, "then I realised that it was our childhood conditioning. MtF women continued to behave like men do at dinners while FtM men behaved like they had learned as little girls."

This example made me understand a bit about life-long struggle and process of transitioning. Persons do not become men or women just because they change their genitals through operations - changing their feelings, way of thinking and behaviour, probably continues for all their lives.

"Transition is a moment - at least in the beginning, when you start hormone therapy, experience your new puberty, discover new sensations, new name, a new you, the joy of coming out", Giorgio said, "they call it 'gender euphoria'. Then you discover that transition did not end there, that your past history does not get cancelled, so you start a lifelong process of transition."

The technological chimera

Different persons touched on technological advances and what it can mean for the the trans-gender persons in future. For example, some persons talked about the possibilities of creating perfect vaginas, ovaries, dicks and testicles from the advances in stem cell technology that can be implanted to have 'perfect' bodies.

At the same time, different persons talked about the difficult psychological processes and lifelong search for relationships, that will not be resolved by the technical advances.

Another area of discussion was related to internet - some persons complained about the confusion, unrealistic expectations and wrong advice from discussion forums and chats.

Others defended the importance of internet in reaching out to persons living in areas where there are no information or support services  and in finding information materials and guidelines from other countries.

Personally I think that complaints about 'dangers' or 'uselessness' of internet are like complaining about your families or friends - it is easy to bitch about them because they are there. A world without internet would be a huge set back for marginalised groups like trans-gender persons, even more so in certain parts of the world, pushing them back into lives of complete isolation.

Defining "trans"

Who can call themselves trans? Regina raised this question.

When does a MtF person become a woman or a FtM become a man? The desire is a spectrum that can vary from occasional feelings to an all consuming need that wants to cancel the unwanted parts of the body and make a new body in line with one's feelings. On this spectrum, who and when can someone define her/himself as a transgender person?

One of the women had very strong feelings about it - "To call oneself a trans has become a fashion. These men and women, they live ordinary lives, have sex without angst, but in the parties they like to show off and say that they are trans. Where is their trans experience? We need to fight them and throw them out."

This discussion reminded me of similar discussions among the persons with disabilities where they sometimes fight about who is really disabled and who has the right to be the community's spokes-person.

In my opinion, only we ourselves can choose how to define ourselves - we decide if what we feel or think is trans or non-trans, we decide where we see ourselves in the spectrums of gender identities. Only when this self-definition is linked to practical gains in daily lives - for example, to get a job or to get benefits - we need some objective criteria to define who can get those benefits.

Conclusions

This is not a summary of everything that came out in the symposium - rather some notes about things that struck me.

There were some things that I wish I could have learned more about. For example, in the meeting there was Lucy, a ninety years old trans woman. In 1944-45, she was sent to the concentration camp in Dachau because of her being a trans-gender person. I think that it will be wonderful to talk to her to know more about her life.

In a poetic intervention, Marco had said, "Our fault is that we threaten the male-female dichotomy. People continuously ask us - who are you? what do you have between your legs? And, we have this huge desire for 'normality'. How can we live in another way of imagination? Our paths are so variable - some of us wish to go from X to Y, others do not wish to go anywhere and prefer to live on the borders. Who transitions and where? May be the society needs to transition?"

I think that Marco's words sum up wonderfully many of the ideas of the meeting.

This is my first post about "Divergenti 2014" - I am planning to see some of the films in this festival - I will write about them in the coming days.

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Music in the museum

Bologna (Italy) has a special museum with one of the largest collections of western music-related books, instruments and paintings from around the world. It's origins were linked to a music loving priest. The building that hosts the museum also has a rich history. This photo-essay presents a virtual tour of the museum and its history.

Introduction

When I had first heard about the music museum of Bologna, I was a bit confused -.how can you put music in a museum? May be they will keep old recordings of the music, I had thought. In India, music has been exclusively an oral tradition - the different Ragas and their rules are taught from teachers to the students, but traditionally they were not written down.

In the west the earliest examples of written down music came up in 6th and 7th century when Plainchants were written for Gregorian prayers. With passing of centuries as the Gregorian chants became more complex, the accompanying music notations also evolved. The notations on five lines came up around 14th century.

With the invention of movable types printing press in the fifteenth century, carefully handwritten music notations could be mass-produced for the first time in history. That was also the period when the formal structures of what is called symphonic music and opera music were being defined in Europe and especially in Florence and Naples in Italy.

The music collection of Fr Martini

The international music museum of Bologna has the origins of its important music collection in the work of a priest called Fr Martini.

Fr Giovanni Battista Martini was born in Bologna in 1706. His father was a violinist and he studied music from a young age. He entered the Franciscan order of priests in 1722, when he was 16 years old. Three years later at the St Francis church, his music compositions received wide appreciation. Later,  in 1758 AD, Fr Martini joined the Academia Filarmonica (Philharmonic Academy) of Bologna, one of the most important music schools in Europe at that time. He was the "definitore perpetuo", the person called to resolve and decide the music related controversies, of the Academy. He had this role till 1781.

Fr Martini's fame spread fast and promising music students came to his school from different parts of Europe. For example, around 1755 Johann Christian Bach, youngest son of Johann Sebastian Bach, came to Fr Martini to study music. In 1770 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart took the entrance test to become a member of Academia Filarmonica.

Fr Martini hardly ever left Bologna, except for some music concerts. In 1756 AD, pope Benedict XIV asked him to transfer to Vatican to the St Peter's church, but he excused himself saying that he was not well. Yet, he was able to knit a network reaching far away parts of Europe and even outside.

Fr Martini was interested in collecting music manuscripts, the written down notations of religious music, symphonies and operas. His fame as a music teacher and his role in the prestigious Academy, helped him in writing to people and to churches all over the Europe to ask for copies of any old music notations. Many of the churches, who had their old prayer books with music notations were happy to give them to Fr Martini, in exchange for new music books. Thus the collection of Fr Martini grew.

Fr Martini wrote "The history of music", one of the most significant works on music history of its time. He was supposed to write it in five volumes. However, only three volumes of this book were published as Fr Martini died while he was writing volume four. He also wrote around 700 musical compositions.

In 1750, pope Benedict XIV had given assurance that the music collection of Fr Martini will be archived and kept safe by the church. When Fr Martini died in 1784, his music collection had around 17,000 volumes. He also collected music instruments and paintings of his students and other famous musicians.

During Fr Martini's time, Bologna was a Papal city, governed by Vatican with support of Austrian military. In 1796 when Napoleon attacked Bologna, part of those materials were taken to Austria, where they are now kept in Vienna library.

Beginnings of the Music Museum of Bologna

In 1827, Fr Martini's collection was used to set up the library of the Philharmonic academy of Bologna. In 1986, when the international music museum was set up in the Sanguinetti Palace in Bologna, the library collection of Philharmonic academy was shifted there. Sanguinetti palace underwent a long period of restoration before it was opened to public in 2004.

However, apart from Fr Martini, Bologna also had many other important music personalities, whose music related objects were part of city's heritage. Civico Museo Bibliografico Musicale or the Musical Bibliographical Museum of Bologna, was founded in 1959 to hold the Comune di Bologna's collection of musical objects. It was renamed International Museum and Library of Bologna in 2004.

History of the Sanguinetti Palace

The international music museum of Bologna is located in the Sanguinetti palace, an old noble house in the city centre of Bologna. In 16th century this building belonged to Riario family.

Near the end of 18th century, when Bologna was a Papal city, Napoleon Bonaparte from France came to "liberate" Bologna. For some time, Napoleon's forces won the war and count Antonio Aldini was appointed as his Secretary of State of his Italian reign. Count Aldini came to live in this building. Many of the rooms of the palace were redecorated and symbols of Italian independence from Papal rule were painted including tricolour flags and "bands of grain" ("fasce" in Italian that were later taken over by Mussolini and gave rise to the term "fascists").

However, Napoleon's rule did not last very long and Pope's forces, supported by Austrian military, re-occupied Bologna. In 19th century, this building was bought by a well known opera tenor singer Domenico Donzelli, and some time, even famous music composer Gioacchino Rossini also lived in this building as guest of Donzelli.

Donzelli was very famous in the first half of nineteenth century and performed in operas in Naples, Paris and London. A couple of years before his death in 1873, he sold this house to another noble family - the Sanguinetti. The building was donated to the municipality of Bologna in 1986.

Frescoes of the Sanguinetti palace

Renovation of the building in the 18th century, brought many famous artists to design frescoes in this building. On the ground floor, there is a trompe d'oeil (painting for giving an optical illusion) by Luigi Busatti.

On first floor, room used for dining by count Aldini, has a magnificent example of "Boschereccia" (the forest). It was fashionable in 18th century Bologna to paint plants and trees on the wall of a room to give it the look of a garden and these rooms were called "Boschereccia". Usually these rooms were built on first floor of noble houses, because usually the families lived on this floor. The boschereccia room of Sanguinetti palace has some paintings by the young Pelagio Pelagi, who later became famous as an art collectionist and as an artist.

In other rooms of this building, while you admire the beautiful frescoes, you can still see partial signs of Napoleon's arrival and the "independence" of Bologna with the three colours of Italian flag along with bands of grain painted in different places on the roofs of the rooms (though when Papal forces retook Bologna, they had tried to cancel those frescoes).

Objects in the Music Museum

The museum gives you an opportunity to look at original music notations and books from the past 5-6 centuries, different kinds of music instruments, portraits of famous musicians, music instruments used by famous musicians (especially musicians like Rossini, who lived in Bologna).

The museum organises numerous initiatives including guided tours and music laboratories.

A visit to the museum is an opportunity to look at music in terms of its history, its academic study and its evolution.

Conclusions

The international museum of Bologna is a very special place for lovers of western classical and operistic music. In a wonderfully frescoed building steeped into history, it gives you a unique view towards the evolution of the music world over the past centuries.

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Trampolieri - the fabulous sky-walkers of Bologna (2)

This photo-essay is the second part of a homage to the "Trampolieri", the stilt-walkers of Bologna (Italy). They use wonderful creativity and imagination to choose new styles, costumes and colours for each of their public appearances. While the first part looked at their costumes and colours in the period 2005-2011, this second part is about the period 2012-13.

2012

At the Bologna Gay pride parade, I had reached early as I was supposed to meet someone. That gave the opportunity to see the Trampolieri getting ready with their make-up and costumes. Their make-up included putting body paint in different colours. This offered numerous opportunities for taking very striking pictures. In fact, I really love these images.

My favourite was the lady in blue who made me think of Shiva!

A small group of Trampolieri were also playing with gender and identity issues. I was really struck by the women with moustaches, who seem to underline how gender identities are constructed. At the same time, it made me think of "Didi tera devar diwana" kind of situations in Indian marriages, where girls dress up as boys during the women's music ceremonies.

I ended up taking hundreds of pictures that day and it was an unforgettable experience. Looking at these pictures brings back that feeling of joy.

2013

Based on my experience at the Gay Pride 2012, when I heard about the Gay pride 2013, I immedietly imagined repeating the experience and the reached venue much in advance to catch the "getting-ready" part of the Trampolieri stilt walkers.

The initial make-up images were fun, though I was missing the strong colours of 2012.

After putting on the make-up, the Trampolieri covered their faces with colourful clothes, through which you could see only their eyes and lips. They made me feel a little uneasy and I think that they conveyed very effectively the feelings of persons who are forced to hide their true selves, to escape the societal discrimination.

Usually in Gay Pride parades, many persons use masks to hide themselves. May be because masks are associated with happy festivals like carnivals or may be because, masks still retain the "being human" kind of feelings, they do not give me the feeling of unease. On the other hand, those faces covered with clothes, did convey a feeling of imprisonment.

The Trampolieri explained that they had chosen that particular style to express solidarity with Pussy Riot who were imprisoned at that time.

They also had chains criss-crossing over their bodies, which increased the feelings of unease.

In the end, the Trampolieri were equally colourful in this occasion, but rather than joy, this time, their costumes transmitted pain and fear.

In 2013 there was a second opportunity to see the Trampolieri in action - the biannual summer festival Par Tot parade. For a change it was held in one of the peripheral areas of the city called Pilastro.

Obviously, this time, I was there well in advance, to catch their make-up and getting ready.

This time, they had again decided on body colours - all the team had their bodies and heads covered with white colour with a few small designs in red or black. Some persons had white flowers, others had silver or black coloured necklaces or bracelets.

The two team leaders, one man and one woman, were covered entirely with deep red. These colours made for very striking visuals.

This brings to end my photographic homage to The Trampolieri, the stilt-walker group of Bologna. Watching them has given me a lot of pleasure and clicking their pictures has been wonderful. So, thank you and best wishes for continuing this tradition of new make-up, new styles and new costumes.

I hope that this photo-essay will inspire people in other cities and other parts of the world, to think of starting something unusual, which can express your creativity in a different way so that you can carve a distinct artistic identity for your group.

You can check the Facebook page of Trampolieri of Bologna for more pictures and their other initiatives. If you missed the first part of this post that presented their costumes from the period 2005-2011, you can check it by clicking here.
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Trampolieri - The Fabulous Sky-walkers of Bologna (1)

"Trampolieri" are the people who walk on stilts. Bologna (Italy) where I live, has a group of dedicated stilt-walkers who use wonderful creativity and imagination to choose new styles, costumes and colours for each of their public appearances.

This photo-essay is a homage to this group of people. It presents some of their pictures that I have clicked over the past 8 years. This first part of the post focusses on the period 2005-2011.

Let me start with some general information about stilt-walking. The art of stilt-walking goes back a long time. There is a mention of stilt-walking in ancient Greek texts, more than two thousand years old. When I was a child, once I had seen a tribal group do a dance on stilts in India. People living in marshy areas build their houses on stilts and sometimes use stilts to cross marshy-watery places. So stilt walking is common to many countries and cultures.

There are different kinds of stilts. You can read more about them on Wikipedia.

In the image below you can see the stilts used by the Bologna group of stilt-walkers - these are made of sturdy wood. A wooden flat piece is fixed to the sole of the shoes, which is then fixed to a wooden piece on the top of the stilt. It requires a good sense of balance and lot of practice to do stilt-walking safely.

2005

I saw the the Trampolieri of Bologna for the first time at the preparation of the summer festival parade (Par Tot parade) in Villa Angeletti park in 2005. I was not too impressed by them. They had a pale hooded dress with black designs on their faces and bodies.

Clicking their pictures while they were moving on stilts was difficult as they were moving quickly and probaly I was standing too close to them. Here are two pictures from that first encounter in 2005.

2006

In 2006 I saw them at the summer rave party. Rave parties are about losing inhibitions, dancing, drinking, and making a lot of noise. It also means getting stoned by smoking weed or taking stronger drugs. In that occasion, the costume of the Trampolieri was simple and in line with the spirit of the rave party. Once again, I was not too impressed with them, though they seemed to be having a good time and enjoying themselves.

2007

The summer festival preparations of the Par Tot parade at Villa Angeletti park in 2007 was the first time that I looked at the Trampolieri with more attention. They had a colourful look. Some people had painted their bodies in gold, some with white and red and some others with red and blue or red and yellow. The costumes had red, purple and black with blue-yellow hats. Thus, in 2007 I clicked a lot of their pictures and started recognising them as a group.

2008

In 2008, I had a glimpse of the Trampolieri at the Bologna GLBTIQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transexual, Intersexual, Queer) pride parade. It was very crowded and noisy, and I could only see them a from a distance. So not many pictures came from this encounter. My favourites in this occasion was a young couple in blue.

2011

I didn't find any good images of Trampolieri in my image archives from 2009 and 2010, and I only found them again in 2011. At the Par Tot parade in the summer festival at the Piazza Maggiore of Bologna, the Trampolieri were present in two main groups. The first group was part of people dressed as giant insects, like the two guys dressed as black spiders shown in the images below.

The second and more numerous group was that of devils and angry spirits, like the followers of Shiva, in different colours and shapes. They were all closed in a prison of a white chain linked to a wooden pole held by the lead couple. Though they were trying to be scary, I think that they looked nice - in my opinion, it was their best look so far. The quality of their body make-up and costumes had improved.

Conclusion

I hope that you have liked this brief introduction to the Trampolieri stilt walkers of Bologna.

To close this post, the last image is from the 2007 Par Tot summer festival parade, of a girl dressed as the sun.

You can check the Facebook page of the Trampolieri of Bologna for more pictures and to know about their other initiatives. You can also read the second part of this post that presents their costumes from 2012 and 2013.
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