Exploring Indian love lives

Ira Trivedi's book "India in Love" is about marriage and sexuality in contemporary India. Based on a sociological research, it focuses mainly on the enormous changes occurring in urban middle class India. And, it makes for an interesting read. This post is about Trivedi's book and also presents a selection of my pictures from different parts of the world on the theme of love and sexuality.

Introduction

Sexuality is a taboo area in India, though in recent times, some of the walls surrounding it have been breached, giving a glimpse of the different facets.

The discussions around sexuality are often linked to debates about traditions versus modernity, as well as to ideas of obscenity and pornography. Often they remain limited to innuendos and anecdotes that make for prurient reading without really helping in an understanding of the issues. Ira Trivedi's book "India in Love - Marriage and sexuality in the 21st century" (Aleph books, New Delhi, 2014) goes deeper for a more nuanced understanding of the issues.

India in Love

The book is divided into two parts - part 1 dealing with "sex and sexuality" and part 2 dealing with "love and marriage".

The first, "Sex and sexuality", part touches on different areas - the impact of last 2 decades on people's ideas about sex and sexuality; impact of access to pornography and the space occupied by porn stars in popular imagination; the coming out of the LGBTI (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual and intersexual) groups; evolution of the prostitution; and the dark side of sexuality, including rape, violence and the impact of decreasing female ratios.

The second part, "Love and marriage"  deals with - increasing role of love in people's decision making about marriages; the old and the new matchmakers and their changing roles in arranged marriages; the commercialization of weddings; increasing divorces and separations; and, couples experimenting with live-in relationships and open marriages.

Comments

At places, Ira makes sweeping and superficial generalizations, but on the whole, the book presents stories and research findings in ways that illustrate the complexity of the issues. India is a continent with a huge population and thus most discourses about India usually lead to the following two conclusions:

(1) If something is true, its exact opposite will also be true - thus if you find examples of big changes, you also find examples of societies and persons steeped in traditions that refuse any change. The situation is also dynamic, thus the same persons may have different opinions at different points in their lives and what seems to be the truth of a specific group today, may be very different tomorrow.

(2) The diverse groups in India - rich, middle class and poor; big cities, small cities and villages; men, women and the other genders; persons of different religions, etc. - all have different aspirations and velocities of change. None of the groups are monoliths with common shared positions, rather each group shows a variety of positions along a spectrum ranging from the most radical to the most conservative.

Ira's book also respects these two conclusions. Book's language varies from academic and clinical ("she did fellatio", "he did not like doing cunnilingus") to more immediate and direct ("squeezing their breasts and groping their crotches").

While the book talks about the changing ideas and practices about sex, love and marriage in India, it also touches on the frustrations and dilemmas about the traditions among the immigrants from rural areas and small cities who can witness the changing norms but are mostly excluded from them.

It does not shy away from going deeper into complicated areas (".. there have been many positive influences such as education and health care but the missionaries tried to impose a certain way of life that wasn't original Khasi way of life. Our tribal culture is intrinsically open and non judgemental. Christianity is all about judgement and sin...").

Book's conclusions and their implications

In her conclusions, Ira writes:

"The love revolution will lead to the breakdown of the traditional arranged marriage. This is significant, because it also means the breakdown of joint family, of caste and community identity, and as divorce rates skyrocket, perhaps also of marriage itself. The switch from arranged to love marriage will be a slow, gradual one, but it is happening nonetheless, particularly in urban India. The India of ten years ago was substantially different from the India of today, and the India a decade from now will continue on the path we have paved.

The sex revolution does not just concern the physical act of sex. It is about changing laws, about loosening censors, and about more sexual liberty. It is about seeing women choosing to wear what they want and about accepting gays in our communities. It is about the burgeoning prostitution industry and pornography. It is about escaping hypocrisy and realizing we are making change happen. Above all, it is about exposing an entire generation to a heavily sexualized culture which is seeping into their lives."

I believe that in India we need many more such discussions and researches to understand the social changes and their impacts related to notions of love, marriage and sex. Trivedi's book is a useful addition to those discussions.

The book remains superficial about the increasing anxiety of patriarchal society and especially of men, linked to these changes. However, results of these anxieties are increasingly dominating the news in India. Different "news-making" events over the past decade - the attempt of Maharashtrian government to ban dance bars, the recent worries expressed by the health minister Dr Harsh Wardhan about sex education in schools, the comments by different bodies including khap panchayats and political leaders about appropriateness of women's clothes - are some of the reactions caused by these anxieties. This area needs much more understanding and research.

Another problem is that most discussions on sex and sexuality remain elitist, confined to English language and exclude a large number of persons who do not speak English in India, who have a significant interest in this area but do not have access to systematic and accessible information on the theme.

Images on love & intimacy from around the world

To accompany this post, I decided to search my picture archives for images related to the theme of love, togetherness and intimacy. Here are some of them from around the world - from Belgium, Brazil, Czech republic, Ecuador, India, Italy, Switzerland and Thailand.

I think that feelings of love, close friendships, and intimacy are perhaps the most important factors determining the quality of our lives. Living our sexualities in an open and fulfilling manner is equally important for all of us. However, societies' norms and expectations influence us and make us feel inadequate or wrong in expressing our desires about love, intimacy and sex. Sometimes, we ourselves do not understand our own desires.

Ira's book can helps you in understanding some of those issues. So read the book and think about yourself and what you wish from your lives, your companions, friends and families. Best of luck!

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International Festival of Trans Films (2)

Here are some more reviews of the films shown in the International Festival of Films on Transsexual themes "Divergenti 2014" that concluded in Bologna (Italy) on Sunday 25 May.

The jury awards went to: Do alegria do mar e de outras cosas, Brazil (best short film), Fuoristrada, Italy (best documentary) and 52 Tuesdays, Australia (best feature film). In addition, Jotain Silta Valilta (Something in between), a documentary film from Finland received a special mention.

SOMETHING IN BETWEEN (FINLAND, 2013)

The original title of this documentary (45 minutes) by director Riikka Kaihovaara is "Jotain silta Valilta". It tells the story of 27 year old Nino, who is transitioning from a woman to a man. The film is a video-diary of 2-3 year period of this transitioning.

Nino has mothered a child but he shrugs off the "motherly feelings" that he is supposed to have towards his child. Nino is also not sure if he wishes to be a man and how much of his female part, he is willing to cancel. His ideas are uncertain and change many times during this period.

He starts with hormone injections and binds his chest. As his male persona becomes more secure, he decides to get the breast operation, but has some complication during the operation and needs to be re-operated. Even after the second operation, part of his chest looks strange and his desire to stand in the park with his chest open, does not give him the pleasure he was hoping for. In the end, he gets operated once again to improve the appearance of his nipples and this time, the operation goes well.

He finally goes through a formal change of gender and there is a party to celebrate it. However, even then he is not sure that he really wants to be a man. He would prefer to be somewhere in between, not to be forced in to a specific gender.

Often films on transgender themes have good looking persons who have clear ideas and desires. However, the good thing about this film is that Nino comes across as a normal guy with normal confusions - he does not have clear ideas about his gender identity or the path he wishes to follow, and sometimes he changes his mind.

During the film, Nino changes his looks different times, trying different variations of punk with a lot of pins in his nose, ears, cheek, gums, etc. and with shaved head or with a colourful braid. It is an appearance that draws attention. Perhaps, it is a symbolic way of underlining his inability to be "normal".

I also thought that all those pins were a kind of self-punishment for not being "normal" (however, my wife disagreed with this idea).

I am happy that the film got special mention from the festival jury since it is a honest and difficult look at what does it mean to go through the change in gender identities.

OPEN UP TO ME (FINLAND, 2013)

The original title of this feature film (95 min.) by director Simo Halinen is "Kerron Sinulle Kaiken". The film is about two persons - a transgender woman Mauri/Maarit (Leea Klemola) and a school football coach Sami (Peter Franzén).

Maarit has recently completed her transition from male to female, left her old town, family and the job to start a new life in a bigger town, where she is forced to work as a cleaning woman because of lack of opportunities. Her ex-wife is angry with her and does not want her to have any contacts with their teenage daughter Pinja (Emmi Nivala).

Maarit's therapist advises her to be more proactive and to fight for her rights. "Talk to your daughter, get into a relationship", she tells Maarit. A coincidence brings Maarit in contact with Sami and then with his wife Julia (Ria Kataja). Sami and Julia are having problems in their marriage. Maarit is attracted towards sami who reciprocates her feelings. An affair starts. The film follows the consequences of this affair.

Around the story of Maarit, Sami and Julia, are other parallel and intersecting stories - suspicions of the police about the role of Maarit in the suicide of a school friend of Pinja, the sexual confusion of Sami's student Teo (Alex Anton), Maarit's attempts to find a job and her encounters with prostitution.

Usually films about alternate sexuality from Scandinavia present a perfect society where people are respectful of individuals' right to privacy and self-determination of their life choices, and where the institutions are supportive and non-discriminatory. However, "Open up to me" shows that in some areas of life, prejudices and discrimination continue to be strong even in the Scandinavian society. For example, the police automatically treats Maarit as a criminal and a pedophile because she is a transgender person and questions her role as a school counsellor. In another scene, classmates of Pinja make snide remarks about her father's decision to be a woman.

It is a film with a happy ending, though not in the way you may expect when it starts. It has a wonderful lead actress in the form of Leea Klemola, who is very expressive. Among the other actors, I also liked Ria Kataja as Julia. On the other hand, Peter Franzén as Sami is not always convincing. The film is also photographed very well.

You can watch a trailer of this film on Youtube.

About Happiness, About the Sea & About Other Things (Brazil, 2012)

The original title of this Brazilian short film (13 minutes) directed by Ceci Alves is "Do alegria, do mar e de outras coisas".

The film is about a real-life incident that occurred in Salvador (Bahia, Brazil) in 1998 when guys from the military police kidnapped two transgender women Joice and Luana, beat them and then forced them into the sea. Luana died in that incident. Joice testified against the culprits and was put under the witness protection programme.

The film revolves around the song "Mudança" (Change) and talks about Nem Glamour and Joy (instead of Joice and Luana). The film shows Nem (Rodolfo Lima) preparing for her last show in an empty hall, before leaving for the witness protection programme. As she comes out, she remembers that night and her last memories of her friend.

The brief but brutal scenes of violence in the film and evocative words of the song, become a symbol of the violence and human rights violations that often accompany the lives of transgender persons in different parts of the world. The film received the award for best short film in the festival.

The song "Mudanças" by Brazilian singer Vanusa is very beautiful - it talks of a woman's decision to change, to empty the drawers of her memories, to clear the cobwebs of her life, to overcome fear, and to become an adult woman. The words of the song (in Portuguese) are available and you can hear this song on Youtube.

While watching the film, I could feel an immediate connect with the film remembering my long walks on the beach in Salvador de Bahia, where the episode shown in the film had taken place.

She is my husband (Italy, 2013)

The 50 min. long documentary film by Anna Maria Gallone and Gloria Aura Bortolini is about a lawyer, Alessandro Gracis, from a small town in north Italy and his journey for becoming a woman. The original title of the film is "Lei è mio marito".

Alessandro was 12 years old when he first dressed in female clothes. He grew up to be a reputed lawyer, keeping his cross-dressing hidden. He had different relationships with women, but was never married. Then in 2005, when he was 50 years old, he dressed as a woman in the carnival. The compliments he received for being such a good looking woman, reinforced his desire for cross-dressing. At that time he was in relationship with Roberta.

A break-up with Roberta, who went for another relationship, coincided with slow and gradual affirmation of Alessandro's identity as a cross-dresser. Few years later, Roberta came back to his life. Together with Roberta he began a gradual journey from being a cross-dresser to be a transgender woman - through hormone treatment, a breast implant and finally a vaginoplasty (by a surgeon who is herself a transgender person).

In 2009, Alessandra came out as a transgender person in a national conference of the lawyers' association and to her clients, slowly overcoming the prejudices of her family and colleagues. However, legally she did not ask to recognized as a woman and thus in 2012, she was able to marry her companion, Roberta.

The film provides another glimpse into the diversity of transgender issues. Like Nino in "Something in between", Alessandra was also not very sure that she wanted to be a woman and her journey to the genital operation came after a lot of self-doubts and questions. She did not feel attracted towards men but was in love with Roberta (though her relationship shown in the film seems more about non-sexual love and companionship).

Many of the persons in the film remark that Alessandra is very masculine in her likes, attitudes and behaviour - for example, the way she is careless about clothes and accessories of other woman, and her enthusiasm for football. This again goes against the stereotype images prevalent about MtF women.

Galloni, one of the film-directors, explained that Alessandra has to deal with a lot of prejudice but they decided to not to show it in the film. For example, her three sisters have not accepted this change. In the film, one of her sisters' says, "I can't understand it. If he had been gay it would have been easier to understand."

You can watch a trailer of this film on Youtube.

Bruno and Earlene Go To Vegas (USA, 2013)

This 96 min. feature is the first film of British director Simon Savory. It is a road movie full of quirky characters, most of whom also have some kind of sexual issues.

The main characters of the film are Earlene (Ashleigh Sumner) and Bruno (Miles Szanto) who meet one evening in Venice Beach and get drunk and sleep together, without having sex with each other. Together, they start on a journey towards Los Angels in a stolen car. On the way, to escape the police, they meet up with a blond-nice-but-stupid hunk called Billy (Barrett Crake).

In the desert, they reach an isolated ghost town with some strange characters including a couple of ex-stripper guys and an ageing black drag queen who is also a tap dancer. The travellers face a crisis and they must deal with secrets from their past.

It is a beautifully shot film with good editing and music. The quirky characters make it an enjoyable watch.

The film could have been much better with a tighter script. The film is enjoyable, but the script is full of holes.

For example, the relationship between Earlene and Bruno is never clarified and you can't understand what binds them together. Just because an older woman has slept for a night in the same bed with a young guy with unclear sexuality (Bruno is shown as an inter-sexual person), she would follow him next day in a car and then force her way in the office of some secret research organisation to save him from sexual exploitation, seems kind of juvenile and unbelievable.

Another example of not too well thought out script is the issue of money - in some scenes they are shown without any money, but in the next scene, they don't seem to have any problem in buying gas for the car and sleeping in the motels on the way.

The casting of the film is good and most of the performances, starting from that of Sumner, are great. So if you are not too picky about things like the logic of the story and you like quirky characters, you will enjoy this film.

Conclusions

On the whole, the 2014 festival of films on transsexual themes was a great experience - I enjoyed almost all the films. When you are watching one film after another, it is easy to get bored or end up with a headache. However, in none of the films I felt bored.

Compared to 2013, when the different transsexual issues were a novelty for me, this year, I knew the kind of things I could have expected from the festival. Still there were new things to understand and learn.

Human beings are incredibly diverse. We use words like hetreo, gay, bisexual, transgender or intersexual, to talk about sexuality but these are just words - these do not define the incredible variety of life paths and life choices of individuals. It is important not to pigeon-hole people just on the basis of categories but rather we should celebrate the richness of human diversity.

You can also read my two other posts related to the Divergenti 2014 film festival - (1) Divergenti symposium and (2) first part of reviews of films from the festival.

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International Festival of Trans Films (1)

The annual festival of films on transsexual themes is back in Bologna (Italy) for its 7th edition. I had discovered this festival only last year (2013) and found it to be a wonderful opportunity to challenge some of my prejudices and deeply held ideas about sexuality. This post presents some of the short and long films that I have seen so far in the festival.

Divergenti 2014 Film Festival

The festival of films on transsexual themes is organized by the Italian Movement of Transsexual (MIT) persons based in Bologna (Italy).

I missed the films on the first day of the festival, as that day I was travelling back from Geneva and was too tired to go out. I also missed some films on the second day of the festival, as I had preferred to attend a symposium organized by the festival. Finally, yesterday, the third day of the festival, I could dedicate it to watching films.

Here are some comments on the films I have seen in the festival.

52 Tuesdays (Australia, 2014)

"52 Tuesdays" is a feature film by director Sophie Hyde, and is almost 2 hours long. The film is about a teenage girl called Billie (Tilda Cobham Hervey), who is making a video diary to share her feelings and parts of her life. Billie's parents are separated but are still friendly.

Billie, who was very close to her mother Jane (Del Herbert Jane), is shattered when her mother asks her to leave home and to stay with her father Tom (Beau Travis Williams) for one year. Jane has decided to transit and become a man, and during this process, prefers not to have Billie around in the house.

Billie refuses to accept this forced separation and finally her mother relents - they will meet every Tuesday for a few hours. The film tells the story of the changes in Billie and Jane's lives, through brief glimpses of those 52 Tuesdays spread along the year. It follows Billie's discovery of her own sexuality and friendship with her school mates Josh (Sam Althuizen) and Jasmin (Imogen Archer), and Jane's journey to become James.

Jane's brother Harry (Mario Spate), who is also separated and lives with his sister, and Billie's father Tom, are the other two key figures in the film.

It is a coming of age story about Billie and her final acceptance of the choices made by her mother. At the end it is Tom who makes Billie understand her mother, "You are the person he loved most. He did not want to break the close bond that both of you had. Because of you, he waited so long to become the person he felt himself to be. Inside, he is still the same person, your mother, who loves you more than anyone else. Would you have preferred that he continued to hide and not be what he felt inside?"

The film focuses on relationship issues between Jane/James and Billie, and does not go into prejudices and social discrimination around the issue of changing gender identities in Australia. Tom is almost too good to be true, very understanding and supportive about his ex-wife. Harry, on the other hand, is a more complex character.

I think that if transgender parents decide to initiate transition when their children are adolescent (and entering a problematic life phase), the parent-child relationships are likely to become even more complicated. It would be easier if the transition occurs when the child is younger and can better accept the changes. Or, it may be slightly less complicated, if the child is grown up and mature. The film explains Jane/Jame's reason (the strong bond with his daughter), for not transitioning earlier and thus becomes an opportunity to explore the impact of such a decision on an adolescent.

The film stimulated some questions in my mind - Would it be more difficult for a child to accept a FtM mother or a MtF father? How will the gender of the child influence this acceptance? For example, would it have been easier if Billie had been a guy? I am not sure how all these variables would influence the parents-children relationships and if any general conclusions can be drawn about them.

The most difficult parts of this film for me were those related to Billie's exploration of her sexuality with Jasmin and Josh. These scenes created a strong feeling of unease in me, and were probably determined by my Asian/Indian upbringing in the 1960s-1970s where adolescents, especially girls, experimenting with their sexuality, would have been culturally unacceptable. Thus, the easy acceptance of Billie's sexual explorations by her parents in the film, made me feel as some kind of old fashioned and retrograde person.

Filmed actually on 52 Tuesdays with non-professional actors, film does seem a real-life video diary, and not a make-believe world. Both Tilda and Del Herbert give authentic performances as Billie and Jane/James. You can watch the film's trailer on the film website.

Kiss from the top floor (Mexico, 2013)

This is a short film (12 minutes) and its original title is "Bajo el ultimo techo". The film is about Beto, who lives with his grandparents while his mother has gone off to live in India. One day a new person, Stephania, comes to live in the apartment next door and Beto discovers a fascinating world of art and play in her house. Quickly they become friends.

One day, Stephania tells Beto that when she was young, she was a boy like him and inside her two persons lived - the boy Esteban and the girl Stephania.

The social prejudices against the transgender persons force Stephania to leave the apartment. To say goodbye to his friend, Beto escapes from his apartment and climbs to the top terrace of the building.

It is a simple and uncomplicated film that focuses on children's easy acceptance of those who are different. You can watch the trailor of this film on Vimeo.

The New Dress (Spain, 2007)

The original title of this short film (14 minutes) by director Sergi Perez is "Vestido Nuevo" and is a very moving film about the relationship between a father and his son who wants to dress up as a girl.

The film tells the story of a carnival day in a school. Children are supposed to dress up as the Dalmata dogs but Mario comes dressed up in his sister's pink frock. The principle calls Mario's father to the school.

The film with its surprise ending brought a node to my throat. I think that the film is very manipulative with an absolutely adorable boy - like his father, you can't but love him and yet pity him for his desires because you know that the world will be ruthless with him. The film makes you feel hopeful - even if the world will be cruel to your child, you can make sure that he/she can always count on your love and acceptance.

Therefore, in spite of its manipulativeness, I think that the film is very effective and should be obligatory for all parents, especially for the fathers.

You can watch the full film on Youtube with subtitles in English (Thanks to Rohini for the link) - it is a film that will not fail to touch you!

You're Dead To Me (USA, 2013)

This short film (10 minutes) based in a Latino family is by American-Chinese director Wu Tsang. The film is about a Maxican woman Andrea (Laura Patalano) and her preparations for the "Dia de los muertos" (the day for remembering dead persons), and the visit of her estranged daughter (Harmony Santana) who has chosen to become a man (Gabriel).

Gabriel no longer lives with his mother, because of her fear of social backlash. They can only meet secretly."Where is my lucky cap?" Gabriel asks.

"How much did I love you as my daughter", Andrea tells Gabriel, asking him to wear the white long dress and become a daughter for a short while, "You do that and I promise to give you, your lucky cap."

Hidden and forced into a gender role that he does not want, Gabriel is the ghost that has come to visit his mother on the day of the dead.

The film mixes reality and imagination in a clever way to drive home its point about accepting your children as they are and not to give in to social pressures. It is my "number one" film from this festival so far and I strongly recommend it.

Both the actors, Laura and Harmony are wonderful. Their way of speaking in mixed Spanish and English reminded me of our own mixing of Hindi and English in India. You can watch a trailer of this film on Vimeo.

Conclusions

The international festival of Trans films is a great opportunity to see the films that are normally ignored on TV and cinema halls. From the first group of films, my favourites were "You're dead to me" and "Vestido Nuevo".

I also hope that my comments will encourage you watch these films, at least some of them! Even if you can't watch the full films on Youtube or Vimeo now (except for Vestitdo Nuevo), sooner or later they will become accessible on internet.

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Transitions and sexual identities

In a meeting, I always count how many men and women are there in the room. As a researcher, it is something that I do without conscious thinking. Categorising persons and placing them in separate boxes is instinctive for me.

But for once I was a little confused - how many of them were men born as women, men born as men, women born as men, women born as women, men dressed as women, women dressed as men, those who felt some times as men and some times as women - it was impossible to say.

For example, I had been sure that the young woman sitting next to me was trans-gender, but it turned out that she was not. On the other hand, a bearded young man with twinkling eyes, colourful tattoos on muscular arms and an open infectious laughter, had started his life as a girl.

That confusion made me reflect about how diverse and multiple can be our sexual identities, once we scratch below the surface of "Male or female". And, how little the external appearances tell us about the persons. Yet, in spite of that, how much we worry about others' opinions about us!

I was at the first day of a symposium on "Transitions - beyond the surgeons' knives". The symposium was part of Divergenti 2014 - the international festival of trans films of Bologna (Italy). This festival is organised by Italian Transsexual Movement (M.I.T.).

Transitions - Sexual identities and surgeons' knives

Porpora Marcasciano, the president of MIT, explained the logic behind the symposium. MIT in Bologna runs a government clinic where persons can get advice and follow the process for transitioning (changing the gender with which they were born).

Porpora said, "Transition is about hormone therapies and surgeries, but it does not end there. It can be a process where not everyone chooses the path of hormones or surgery, but for some of us, making our bodies in line with our mental images of ourselves is fundamental. Whatever path we choose, the process of becoming the person we wish to be, goes on. The theme of the symposium and the festival is 'Crossing over' - including the surgeons' knives, but also going beyond it."

The symposium had different speakers. Here are some of the points that struck me and made me reflect.

Transia - the trans-anxiety

All of us sometimes worry about how we come across to others - worrying about our expanding waist lines or wrinkles or white hair. However, in the symposium many speakers talked of "Transia" or Trans-anxiety ('ansia' is Italian for anxiety), that went much beyond our usual every-day worries.

Transia is a never-ending feeling of anxiety of your perceptions about yourself - looking at what is missing in you to be a 'real' man or woman, about how others are going to judge you or find you out that you are false. This anxiety is fueled by real or perceived negative attitudes of others but most of it is about the high criteria that persons with dynamic/alternate gender identities use to judge themselves.

Giorgio felt that FtM (female to Male) men feel less anxiety - they are often not worried about having proper male genitals or other details such as not having Adam's apple. He said, "To be a guy is much simpler compared to being a woman - MtF women (Male to Female) worry about everything and worry so much more." It seemed to me that he was underlining the male carelessness about external appearance compared to the women, as some kind of stereotypical personality trait.

However, I think that FtM men may be less concerned with their body appearance partly because surgical solutions to the desire of having a functioning male genital are complicated and not always satisfactory. Perhaps, if you believe that in any case you are not going to end up with a functioning dick, you can go beyond it and accept yourself more easily?

On the other hand, for MtF women, I think that issues are more complicated because they can have perfect vaginas through surgery so that sometimes their partners may not even guess that their bodies were constructed - this raises moral dilemmas of "should I tell" as well as, brings closer the mirage of being a 'complete' woman?

One of the examples about transia was the anxiety related to urinating - FtM men worrying about urinating standing up and MtF women worrying about urinating sitting down.

"Men can sit down and urinate without feeling that their masculinity is being questioned but FtM are very anxious about it", Giorgio had said, "This questioning and insecurity never passes. We worry about the models of masculinity and femininity all the time, and confirmations about our masculinity or femininity are never enough, we continuously crave them. The world watching us is something we carry inside us, all the time."

Childhood cultural conditioning

Giorgio gave another example of the way our childhood experiences condition us.

At the end of a dinner with friends, he noticed that all the men rose up and started taking away the plates and glasses to the kitchen while all the women remained sitting, talking. "At first I thought it was good that there was more gender equality", he explained, "then I realised that it was our childhood conditioning. MtF women continued to behave like men do at dinners while FtM men behaved like they had learned as little girls."

This example made me understand a bit about life-long struggle and process of transitioning. Persons do not become men or women just because they change their genitals through operations - changing their feelings, way of thinking and behaviour, probably continues for all their lives.

"Transition is a moment - at least in the beginning, when you start hormone therapy, experience your new puberty, discover new sensations, new name, a new you, the joy of coming out", Giorgio said, "they call it 'gender euphoria'. Then you discover that transition did not end there, that your past history does not get cancelled, so you start a lifelong process of transition."

The technological chimera

Different persons touched on technological advances and what it can mean for the the trans-gender persons in future. For example, some persons talked about the possibilities of creating perfect vaginas, ovaries, dicks and testicles from the advances in stem cell technology that can be implanted to have 'perfect' bodies.

At the same time, different persons talked about the difficult psychological processes and lifelong search for relationships, that will not be resolved by the technical advances.

Another area of discussion was related to internet - some persons complained about the confusion, unrealistic expectations and wrong advice from discussion forums and chats.

Others defended the importance of internet in reaching out to persons living in areas where there are no information or support services  and in finding information materials and guidelines from other countries.

Personally I think that complaints about 'dangers' or 'uselessness' of internet are like complaining about your families or friends - it is easy to bitch about them because they are there. A world without internet would be a huge set back for marginalised groups like trans-gender persons, even more so in certain parts of the world, pushing them back into lives of complete isolation.

Defining "trans"

Who can call themselves trans? Regina raised this question.

When does a MtF person become a woman or a FtM become a man? The desire is a spectrum that can vary from occasional feelings to an all consuming need that wants to cancel the unwanted parts of the body and make a new body in line with one's feelings. On this spectrum, who and when can someone define her/himself as a transgender person?

One of the women had very strong feelings about it - "To call oneself a trans has become a fashion. These men and women, they live ordinary lives, have sex without angst, but in the parties they like to show off and say that they are trans. Where is their trans experience? We need to fight them and throw them out."

This discussion reminded me of similar discussions among the persons with disabilities where they sometimes fight about who is really disabled and who has the right to be the community's spokes-person.

In my opinion, only we ourselves can choose how to define ourselves - we decide if what we feel or think is trans or non-trans, we decide where we see ourselves in the spectrums of gender identities. Only when this self-definition is linked to practical gains in daily lives - for example, to get a job or to get benefits - we need some objective criteria to define who can get those benefits.

Conclusions

This is not a summary of everything that came out in the symposium - rather some notes about things that struck me.

There were some things that I wish I could have learned more about. For example, in the meeting there was Lucy, a ninety years old trans woman. In 1944-45, she was sent to the concentration camp in Dachau because of her being a trans-gender person. I think that it will be wonderful to talk to her to know more about her life.

In a poetic intervention, Marco had said, "Our fault is that we threaten the male-female dichotomy. People continuously ask us - who are you? what do you have between your legs? And, we have this huge desire for 'normality'. How can we live in another way of imagination? Our paths are so variable - some of us wish to go from X to Y, others do not wish to go anywhere and prefer to live on the borders. Who transitions and where? May be the society needs to transition?"

I think that Marco's words sum up wonderfully many of the ideas of the meeting.

This is my first post about "Divergenti 2014" - I am planning to see some of the films in this festival - I will write about them in the coming days.

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Becoming a woman

The 2011 film by the dutch director Susan Koenen, "I am a girl" (original title: Ik ben een meisje) is about a 13 year old girl, Joppe, her growing up and her crush on a boy. Joppe was born a boy and the film touches on her journey to become a woman.

Story

Joppe has braces, long hair and a beautiful smile. Like her friends, she also dreams of love. She has a crush on Brian, but he does not answer her gestures for going out with her. Then one day Joppe hears from her friends that Brian is going out with another girl and she is sad. "I won't let it keep me down, life will go on", she tells her friends.

At the background of this simple tale of a teenage crush and growing up pains, is the story of Joppe's transformation from a boy to a girl, who wants to become a woman.

Comments

It is a simple film told in a simple way. At one level Joppe's journey of transformation from a boy to a girl seems almost painless. As a very young child she decided that she preferred to be a girl. Initially her family did not agree, but then they accepted her decision and in 5th standard (final year of primary school) she started this journey of transformation.

In the school it seems that Joppe has no problems from her classmates or from other young people. She spends her time with her friends. And when she goes to the middle school, she explains to her classmates about herself, so that everyone knows about what she is going through.

Joppe starts receiving injectable medicines that can stop her body from producing the male hormone, so that her body will not have the typical changes that occur in the boys during puberty - such as deepening of voice, growth of facial and body hair and growth of genitals.

Joppe knows what will be the path of her transformation. When Joppe will be sixteen years old, she can start receiving female hormones so that her body can start having the changes that girls get at puberty - such as more fat on the thighs and buttocks, and development of breasts. Later she will go through surgery so that her genitals will take the female form.

Joppe's journey of transformation is not completely painless though as her experience with Brian shows. Young people in her community may not be cruel or discriminatory to her, but at the same time, she is seen as different and at the beginning of any new relationship with a boy or a man, she will need to face the dilemma of "Can I tell him that I was born a boy?" and then let the boy/man decide if he wishes to continue that relationship.

She is aware that though she can wear a bikini and go to the swimming pool with her friends, she is also a little anxious if others can make out the difference. In the bathroom of the swimming pool, she sees other girls with their growing breasts and the feminine curves, and worries about her own flat chest and curveless body.

Most of all, Joppe is aware that "becoming a woman" is not a journey with an end point, but rather, it is a life long journey where she has to keep on becoming and transforming. And on this journey, she will have to face many other challenges.

About one day making a family with a man, Joppe says, "If he would wish for a family with children, perhaps he can have a child with a surrogate mother. It will be only his biological child, but I won't mind it so much."

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You can watch "I am a girl" with English subtitles on Aeon Film website - it is free of charge.

Credits
Ik ben een meisje
Director: Susan Koenen
Producer: Albert Klein Haneveld
Editor: Denise Janzée, Susan Koenen
Cinematographer: Reinout Steenhuizen
Sound: Bouwe Mulder

Running Time: 15 minutes
Language: Dutch with English subtitles
Website: www.ikbeneenmeisje.nl

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A different teenage love story

Brazilian director Daniel Ribeiro's film "Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho" (I don't want to go back alone) is a Karan Johar's  "Kuch kuch hota hai" kind of film (with similar storyline) but with a difference. It is a cloyingly sweet short film, that left me a little irritated but may be that only means that I am no longer a teenager!

Introduction

The teenage love stories like Karan Johar's early films like "Kuch kuch hota hai" and "Dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge" (there were no real teenagers there, but that is only nitpicking) and hundreds of such romantic films and books all over the world tell stories of beautiful people, who meet, fall in love, face some heartbreaks and then in the end all the misunderstandings are resolved, the guy and his lady love kiss against the sunset and live happily ever after.

However, the teenage romantic worlds are make-believe worlds with make-believe people - everybody is beautiful and perfect with designer clothes - the billionaire handsome guy and lovely virgin princess. If you are fat, short, ugly or worse, if you are disabled or gay, you have no place in this make-believe world, not even as hero's sidekick or heroine's best friend.

Gay and lesbians face a lot of discrimination and barriers, and it is not easy for young gay or lesbian persons to express their sexuality. If they also have a disability then expression of their sexuality becomes even more difficult.

Ribeiro's film is different because his hero is disabled and he is also gay.

The film

Leonardo (Ghilherme Lobo) is a high school student. He is blind. His best friend is Giovana (Tess Amorim), who secretly loves him but for him she is only a friend. She accompanies him to his home every afternoon when the school finishes. Then arrives a new boy in their class - Gabriel (Fabio Audi).

Soon, Gabriel becomes friends with Giovana and Leonardo. He also walks with them after school. Leonardo feels attracted towards Gabriel but does not know how to tell it to him and decides to talk about it to Giovana.

Comments

It is a nice film to watch, simple and uncomplicated. However, there were different reasons why it irritated me a little bit:

(1) The film is based in Brazil but it is the world of rich and white Brazil. The whole class and the teacher are all white and rich looking. I know that Brazil has a lot of multi-colour families, which means that in the same families, some persons may be white, some dark and some in-between. Still, I would have liked the film more if at least some persons in the film were also not-whites.

(2) Everyone in the film is good-looking, perfect and a little artificial. Even Leonardo, who is blind, looks perfect with beautiful eyes.

(3) Everyone is accepting towards Leonardo's disability, no one makes comments about him. Even his being a gay is not an issue. The only dilemmas in the film are the romantic dilemmas - Giovana's heart break and the difficulty of Leonardo to express his feelings. Thus, the film is in an idyllic world.

However, I do recognise that as someone who is no longer young, and who focuses (too much??) on the problems and barriers faced by disabled persons and by non-heterosexual persons, probably I am looking at this film through a distorted lens. The film is a make-believe world to present alternate dreams to people who have a disability and are gay - like all teenagers they also have a need for uncomplicated romantic dreams and the film answers that need.

It is a short film (about 17 minutes) and though it is in Portuguese, you can watch it on Youtube with English subtitles. If you like sweet and romantic films with good-looking actors, watch it and tell me what did you think about it!

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After I finished watching it, I was re-imagining "Kuch kuch hota hai" - suppose, Rahul (Shahrukh Khan) was secretly in love with Anjali (Kajol) but felt shy of expressing himself, and then Tina (Rani Mukherjee) came to the school and one day Anjali confessed to Rahul that she was in love with Tina ...

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God loves Uganda! Unfortunately.

The documentary film “God loves Uganda” by director Roger Ross Williams is about American christian groups who feel that they have a special mission for Uganda and about the impact of their work on different aspects of human rights in the African country. The film provides a glimpse into one of the forces that has shaped large parts of humanity in the last five hundred years – the force of cultural colonization.

“God loves Uganda” is part of the international documentary film festival called Mondovisioni, that will be held at Kinodromo cinema in Bologna (Italy) in January-April 2014.

Introduction

About five hundred years ago, the colonization era saw Europeans spreading out towards American, African and Asian lands. Exploiting the natural resources of the conquered lands was the most important goal of this colonization. It also resulted in actions that shaped millions of lives, including the decimation of indigenous populations and the slave trade. The conquering armies were accompanied by missionaries, who were supposed to take the word of “the only true God” to the heathen "to civilise them".

Thus colonization took cultural ideas from the old world and established their hegemony in the conquered lands. After the end of the second world war, as the colonies became free countries, they usually carried the legacies of the colonial rules in their national constitutions and laws. It has been difficult to shake off those colonial legacies. For example, even today, the laws made by the British in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, continue to be the laws of independent India, including the infamous art. 377 of the Indian penal code that classifies homosexual relationships as a criminal offence.

The ideas of “the only true religion”, “the only true God”, “the only true prophet” and “the only true God’s book” are common to many religions but have been especially true for certain Christian and Muslim groups. Therefore, saving the souls of those who do not know about or believe in "the true God", has motivated many persons to dedicate their lives in spreading the word of God among the “non-believers”, including to persons of their own religions but who had slightly different beliefs.

“God loves Uganda” is about an evangelical American group who believe that all the answers of life are in the Bible. They have identified Uganda as the "God's land". About 84% of the population of Uganda is Christian, while another 12% is Muslim.

Film

Groups of American young men and women are influenced by charismatic church leaders like Lou Engle and Rev. Jo Anna Watson, to spend parts of their lives in spreading the words of love, brotherhood, peace and the true teachings of Bible to Uganda. “One million missionaries, one billion converts and one trillion dollars of funds” is the dream goal of one of the groups’ leaders from a church based on an ecstatic trance kind of religious ceremonies.

The American evangelicals have opened their centres in Uganda where they recruit and train young Ugandans to spread their ideas among others. The Ugandan acolytes are accompanied by the young missionaries from America. They are relentless and aggressive, standing on street sides and shouting to people about the dangers of sinning and the urgency of coming to the path of the true religion.

Persons like Rev. Kapya Kaoma and bishop Christopher Senyonjo, from Anglican church and traditional Ugandan church explain how the conservative ideas promoted by the American groups have taken hold among the general population, politicians and leaders of Uganda. These ideas touch on subjects like abstinence, adultery, use of condoms, abortions and homosexuality.

The film focuses especially on the conservative evangelical ideas about homosexuality and how those ideas have influenced the parliament debate in Uganda and resulted in the approval of a new national law that foresees a death penalty for homosexuals. At the same time, it has stoked growing intolerance in the public opinion towards gay, lesbian and transgender persons.

A sequence of the film shows a public meeting where evangelical pastor Martin Ssempa, through graphic images explains that homosexuality is all about licking assholes and eating shit, and thus needs to be punished by death. “The world, the U.N., all the countries have been taken over homosexuals. They will come and make your sons and daughters become perverts and homosexuals. Only we can stop them, it is our duty to stop them”, he thunders in the meeting.

Another episode of the film shows the funeral of a GLBT rights activist, during which the pastor criticises and asks the friends and companions of the activist, to give up being gay and lesbian, followed by attacks of goons on the persons who do not agree with his sermon.

Comments

The film is a frightening look at how good intentions, firm beliefs in God, peace and love, can become instruments of madness, murder and intolerance. That persons promoting and condoning these things are no scary zombies but rather next-door kind of clean-cut American and Ugandan young men and women, makes it even more frightening.

The American evangelical missionaries have actively collaborated with making of this film – they are very open in sharing their ideas and their activities. They are convinced that what they are doing is good and are willing to share everything about it. Their certainties in their religious beliefs makes any kind of dialogue and questioning difficult if not impossible. The strategy of American evangelical conservatives is to start by working with orphanages, schools and education system - by influencing and converting young people to their way of thinking.

The world knows much more about the impact of Wahabi ideas on the promotion of a fundamentalist and traditional view of Islam in different parts of the world. Similar knowledge about impact of conservative evangelical groups is much less, though their role in promoting American wars around the world and the American government's resistance to use of condoms and family planning measures (especially under the Bush administration) have been talked about. "God loves Uganda" shows that they are not very different from their Wahabi brothers.

I had read about the strong views against homosexuality in countries like Uganda and Malawi, but I had imagined that these were due to “traditional African beliefs”! “God loves Uganda” shows that there is nothing "traditional African" about them - ideas of conservative evangelicals from USA have played an active role in arriving at this kind of public opinion and the intolerant laws.

Conclusions

“God loves Uganda” is a close look at how the desire of "helping others", promoted by persons with strong beliefs and lot of money, can influence and change a society's beliefs, and reinforce certain kind of ideas.

Wahabi islamists and evangelicals like IHOP (International house of prayer, Kansas, USA) are not the only ones who want to mould the world to their ideas. Other hardliners including conservative groups among Jews, Buddhist, Hindus and Sikhs, have been inspired by them and have similar ambitions, though usually their activities are focused in their own countries.

How these conservative religious views and processes are shaping our world and what kind of world will be there tomorrow? What role is played by the new technologies in the globalized world in spreading of such views? In the war between the ideas embodied in the United Nations’ declaration of human rights and the ideas of conservative religious groups, which ideas will dominate humanity in the coming decades? The film left me troubled, pondering on such questions.

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In solidarity

On 11 December 2013, the Supreme Court of India overturned the earlier High Court judgement that had blocked art. 377 of Indian Penal Code. I think that it is a sad moment for all of us - for the GLBTIQ community, their families and friends as well as for all those persons who believe in equality and dignity of all human beings. I write this post in solidarity with all of us and present some of my pictures from the GLBTIQ Pride Parade held in Delhi in June 2009.

I think that the decision of the two judges to overturn an earlier verdict of high court, saying that it is the duty of the legislators to change the laws, is not in line with the active and progressive role played by the Supreme Court through a series of public interest litigations over the past decades.

The charge of "homosexuality is against nature" is perhaps an issue of insecurity and religious orthodoxy. In Frontpage, Jay Mazoomdaar has written a very interesting article about same sex relationships in nature while Krishna Udayasankar has written about same sex relationships in Indian mythology and sacred literature. However, I do not feel that rational arguments like in these two articles can change the opinions of those who do not wish to understand. Some of us can change only through personal experiences, may be when our children, friends or colleagues open our eyes to their suffering because of the discrimination and unjust laws.

I remember my march with the GLBTIQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transsexual, Intersexual and Queer) pride parade in Delhi in June 2009, before the High Court judgement. The growing list of alphabets in the "GLBTIQ" is itself a sign of how many diversities are part of human nature, and how difficult it is to divide the world into narrow boundaries of heterosexuals and homosexuals. Do they really think that this diversity can be swept under the carpet or hidden inside a closet by this judgement?

I hope that this judgement will become a stimulus for more persons to join the struggle for a change. Here are a few of my images from the 2009 GLBTIQ pride parade:

I wish for an India that respects human rights, where we empathise with other human beings and where we all fight for the human rights of everyone. In any case, art. 377 is only about sex and about criminalisation of the same sex relationships. There are so many other ways in which our societies discriminate and exclude the persons who dare to come out about their sexuality. So let our struggles continue, not just for changing art 377 but also for all other discriminations and injustices.

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